“Coming up with rationales that matter to my kids is very difficult for me! Do you have any tips on this?”
Today I did some canning. This is a messy project, as well as a time consuming project. I could have done lots of things with my day (and night), but I chose to preserve food instead because the home grown food which is preserved is so much better for my family, and the food in the storage room saves lots of money on our annual food budget. We also like the taste better. J I had a rationale for choosing to spend my day canning. I want the food storage and better tasting food for my family; this is the rationale for my work.
If my rationale (or reason) for canning all day and night was: Since I have canned food, my son can have nice targets for his BB gun to shoot at, I wouldn’t do it. If my neighbor told me that it would make her really happy if I canned all day and night, I wouldn’t do it.
You get the idea. Everyone, especially children, want to know “why” about so many different things. People especially need the “why” answered before they care about changing. When we are thinking about how to answer the “why” that we know is there, we need to come up with something that really matters to them; not us.
These are some reasons that I give my children to do some of the four basics.
‘When you choose to follow instructions, we don’t have to have long talks about your behaviors.”
“When you choose to follow instructions, things always get done faster and we always end up with more play time.”
“When you choose NOT to follow instructions, you are telling me that you don’t respect me as your parent. If I know that you don’t respect me, I don’t usually want to listen to the things that you want.”
“When you say OK to NO answers you show me that you are in control of yourself. It is a sign of maturity to be able to always choose to be OK.”
“Saying OK makes you so happy. Everyone likes to be around you when you’re happy.”
“When you disagree appropriately everyone wants to listen to what YOU have to say.”
“If you know how to disagree appropriately, you will always have lots of friends, because people will trust you not to loose your temper.”
I could go on and on.
Put yourself in their shoes and ask yourself, what do I care most about in my life? Use the things you care most about as rationales.Blessings!